How Coaches Can Set Limits with Their Players
Dear Kid Whisperer,
Last month you gave a parent advice on how to stop her son, one of my eighth-grade basketball players, to stop “being a jerk." You advised her to pull him off the team for a year if he ever rolls his eyes, complains about calls, etc. I think that’s a bit harsh. What she didn’t say was that if he works hard enough, has an outside chance to play in college. I’d rather not take that chance away from him. In your answer to her, you said that the coach (me) should come up with some strategies. I’m all ears.
-Jerry, Sandusky, Ohio
Jerry,
I am so glad to hear from you! Yes, As I said in the past column to Shanae, it would be much easier and better, with a lower price tag, for you to train Kid to be pleasant. If the coach is unwilling to do some relatively low price-tag limits and learning opportunities, then the parent is forced to pull the student off the team. As you said, that’s less than optimal, but now that you have also asked a question, I can give you an answer.
Please note, however, that pulling Kid off the team may still be necessary. Kid not playing in college, though not optimal, may save you and his family some embarrassment because he will not have the opportunity to embarrass his family and your basketball program on national TV. Training him to be pleasant before he gets to college also solves this problem.
Here’s how I would do it:
Kid Whisperer: Dude. I have fantastic news. I know your mom got some crazy advice about how to stop you from acting in an inappropriate way. It really seemed harsh to me. I mean, you are in such a habit of crying about refs' calls and rolling your eyes at me that I just don’t see how you could remember not to do those things. So, I did you a huge favor. I talked to her, and we’ve got a new plan.
Kid: Good. What is it?
Kid Whisperer: OK, here it is: if you cry to refs, roll your eyes, or do anything but be an excellent leader and teammate, I will immediately pull you out of the game or practice. You will be done for the day. As you know, if you don’t attend all the practices before a game without a valid excuse, you don’t play in the next game, and being pulled from the practice for being unpleasant is not a valid excuse.
Kid: That’s not fair!
Kid Whisperer: Dude. I don’t argue. And just to be clear, attempting to argue with me counts as being unpleasant. Out of fairness, I will let that one slide since I wasn’t very clear. Attempts at arguing, being rude, or any forms of disrespect, as defined by me, will result in you being pulled from the floor. If at any point, you keep not being able to play in games because of your conduct, I will take your spot, give it to someone else, and you can try playing basketball again in high school. I know you can live within these limits! I believe in you, and I will continue to play you as long as you are acting like an excellent leader and teammate.
When he fails at this, simply pull him from the game or practice by simply saying “…and who do I play?” as you take him off the court. This will be for him, perhaps for the first time, effective training on how to be an excellent leader and teammate.